She Was Never Very Good At Math

“I begged for a kiss--she gave me seven.”

I Love U In Me, by Prince

Um... Cataracts?

“How can you see into my eyes like open doors leading you down into my core?”

Bring Me To Life, by Evanescence

I Promise You'll Be Great If You Just Don't Name The Band "Duran"

“I heard your promise but I don’t believe it--that’s why I’ll do it again.”

Notorious, by Duran Duran

I'm Dreaming Of A Welfare Christmas...

“I hate those people who love to tell you money is the root of all that kills--they have never been poor; they have never had the joy of a welfare Christmas”

I Will Buy You A New Life, by Everclear

If You Turn Off The Sun, I'll Never See Sophie B. Hawkins Again

“You can turn off the sun but I’m still gonna shine.”

The Remedy (I Won't Worry), by Jason Mraz

Or You Could Just, Y'know, Email Me

“Every season has its change and I will see you when the sun comes out again.”

As I Lay Me Down, by Sophie B. Hawkins

Guess This Explains How They Dumped A Septic Tank On A Boat Full Of People

“Am I right side up or upside down--is this real or am I dreaming?”

Crush, by Dave Matthews Band

You've Won, Bono--You've Taken Over The World

“There’s many lost, but tell me who has won.”

Sunday Bloody Sunday, by U2

Elton John Just Doesn't Make A Very Convincing Fighter...

“I’m a juvenile product of the working class whose best friend floats in the bottom of a glass.”

Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting, by Elton John

Saturday I Sober Up

“It’s such a gorgeous sight to see you eat in the middle of the night.”

Friday I'm In Love, by The Cure

These Guys Must've Grown Up In Simi Valley

“Now I have to leave this town; I got to leave while I still can.”

Thursday, by Morphine

...Like Doing This Blog

“I’m just sitting around being foolish when there is work to be done.”

Wednesday, by Tori Amos

...And You Will Do A Cover Version Of "Dancing In The Streets" With David Bowie

“Lose your dreams and you will lose your mind.”

Ruby Tuesday, by The Rolling Stones

Prince Wrote This Song Too... What Is It With Him And Making Beds?

“These are the days when you wish your bed was already made.”

Manic Monday, by The Bangles

Prince Hates On Best Western

“You didn’t have the decency to change the sheets.”

When You Were Mine, by Prince

Not Without Peter Cetera

“Every road leads to your door, every step I take forever more.”

Will You Still Love Me? by Chicago

Thank God For Caller I.D.

“I resolve to call her up a thousand times a day and ask her if she’ll marry me in some old-fashioned way.”

Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic, by The Police

Or Maybe You're A 64-Year-Old Divorcee Chasing 20-Something Blondes...Or Is That The Same Thing?

“Maybe I’m a lonely man who’s in the middle of something that he doesn’t really understand.”

Maybe I'm Amazed, by Paul McCartney

The Hypochondriac Credo

“You can’t go on thinking nothing’s wrong.”

Drive, by The Cars

Not Even The 'Girls Gone Wild' DVD?

“Working so hard like a soldier--can’t afford a thing on TV.”

Electric Avenue, by Eddy Grant

With All Those Toxins In The Water? No Thanks...

“The ice we skate is getting pretty thin; the water’s getting warm, so you might as well swim.”

All Star, by Smash Mouth

Nah, Prince--He Won't Think That's Weird At All

“Give him your ice cream and I’ll give him the keys to my car.”

Strollin', by Prince

Is It True That Paris Hilton's Doing A Cover Of This Song, Renamed 'Text Me?'

“Emotions come, I don’t know why--cover of love’s alibi.”

Call Me, by Blondie

Homophobia?

“It’s only fear that makes you run.”

I'm The Only One, by Melissa Etheridge

For God's Sake, Listen To Your Body!

“My body is saying ‘Let’s go,’ but my heart is saying, ‘No.’”

Genie In A Bottle, by Christina Aguilera

Try Google

“I’ve been askin’ everybody I meet--insufficient data coming through.”

Sweet Talkin' Woman, by ELO

Why Are You Going Through My Drawers, Liz?

“I never met a man who was so pretty inside; he’s got petals on the bed of his sweat sock drawer.”

Johnny Feelgood, by Liz Phair

Why Does This Seem Like It Should Be A Bryan Adams Song?

“At every time I've always known that you where there, upon your throne, a lonely queen without her king.”

Again, by Lenny Kravitz

Or Maybe I'll Change My Name To A Symbol, Become A Jehovah's Witness, And Overcharge For Concert Tickets

“Maybe I’ll die young like heroes die.”

Under The Cherry Moon, by Prince

I'm Not Afraid, Boy--I'm Straight

“This could be the best place yet but you must overcome your fears.”

Time (Clock Of The Heart), by Culture Club